A Moment of Transparency.

I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with the new up-and-coming artist Kehlani, if not, go check her out right now! She's dope and I absolutely love her new album. So I was listening to her album-- I listen to it basically everyday-- and for the first time I heard the intro, at the end she says, "Maybe you've given your heart to someone that just didn't know what to do with it." That right there really resonated with me and is the reason why I'm posting this. I'm going to be transparent for a moment... Bare with me.

A little over a month ago I had to walk away from someone that I loved and cared about so much. It wasn't necessarily a toxic relationship, but it was very clear that the both of us were no longer getting anything out of it. No growth, nothing. We weren't on the same page, we weren't even in the same book anymore. I tried to look pass that for the longest, you know, pretending that everything would get so much better or that I could somehow "fix" what was wrong. Obviously, that never happened. It didn't end bad, but it didn't necessarily end good either. There's just something about the way that it ended that seems to fall in the grey area. Whether or not I'll get the satisfaction of it truly ending the way I want is a completely different story. I'm just here to tell you what happened when I gave my heart to someone who just didn't know what to do with it. So here it goes... (Side note: This is not a "bash my ex" post! I repeat, this is not a "bash my ex" post!)

I've never been the type to keep a wall up that people have to forcefully break down. I'm completely fine with vulnerability, even though it hasn't always been that way. However, letting someone IN always runs the risk of getting let DOWN. Giving someone your heart always runs the risk of it getting broken. I gave my heart to someone fully trusting that they wouldn't damage it. I give love and I expect to receive that same love, but it doesn't always work that way. It's unfortunate and there's not much you can do about it except... be careful.

He didn't know what to do with my heart, he didn't know how to handle the very precious part of me that I willingly gave to him. I gave more because I thought maybe he didn't have enough pieces to put together. Know what happens when you keep giving and giving? You become drained, completely and utterly EMOTIONALLY drained. My abundant supply of love seemed to have depleted, or at least that's what it felt like. And with that, I began to think maybe I was the one doing something wrong because I know very well that I'm far from perfect. Maybe if I do this or maybe if I do that, but I was still getting the same outcome.

When I gave my heart to someone who didn't know what to do with it I did something I promised myself I wouldn't do... I questioned my worth. "Your value does not decreased based on someone's inability to see your worth." I'm not sure who said that, but it's one of the truest statements I've ever laid my eyes on.

When I gave my heart to someone who didn't know what to do with it I wondered whether or not it was worth ever loving someone again. What's the point? Why give something away again for someone to take it and not care for it properly?

When I gave my heart to someone who didn't know what to do with it I was left with the pieces to pick up and mend back together. I was left with the pressing thoughts late at night wondering if they ever really cared or if every 'I love you" was just a beautiful lie.

When I gave my heart to someone who didn't know what to do with it, it made me realize how you can never really be prepared for what comes along with loving/falling in love with someone. There's no manual, there's no guide.

When I gave my heart to someone who didn't know what to do with it so much anger and resentment began to build up in me and I didn't even notice. I was mad at him and I was mad at myself. There's truly a thin line between love and hate, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm saying all of these things to say, when you give your heart to someone that doesn't know what to do with it, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt so bad. There's no avoiding it. I'm accepting that and putting the pieces back together because I refuse to wallow in my feelings. That never solves anything. I don't know how long this process will take, but I'll take it one day at a time. I'll always love and care about that person, I'm sure of that. I'm also sure that my heart has no desire to be placed in the hands of someone that doesn't know how to keep it in tact. Doesn't mean I'll never take a chance on love again, just have to be sure my heart is in good hands.

Thanks for letting me be transparent. XO

Hey! I'm An Intern.

At the start of the summer, the amount of internship applications I had filled out was starting to be more than I could keep count. I began to get a little discouraged, because I wanted nothing more than to work as an intern this summer and get all the experience I can get! I started to settle for the fact that this summer would not be my summer as intern, until God showed up and showed out as usual. (Don't doubt God or His always perfect timing) I was blessed with an amazing opportunity to intern at Radio One Atlanta and I am absolutely loving it!

You know when you go into a certain situation expecting it to be one way, but you get something that totally exceeds your expectations? Yeah, that's what it was like my first DAY. Everyone was so welcoming and we literally jumped right into the swing of things. There was a lot going on so everything was very fast paced my first week. The biggest event of the year, Birthday Bash, was going on and the events surrounding it were just as big. Was I prepared for the lack of sleep I was going to get? Not at all. However, it was a HUGE learning experience and so hands-on.

The amount of people I've met at the office and the amount of knowledge I'm gaining is incredible and I'm hoping by the end of the internship I will have grown my brand, increased my passion for broadcast journalism and be able to take and apply everything that I've learned.

At the conclusion of my internship, I'll report back with absolutely everything I've learned, seen and read!

Here are some intern necessities, I have to have at ALL times...

Binder: holds schedule & other important papers, notebook: write down everything, cell phone, wallet, handy dandy intern book by Kevin Liles.